It turns out that my plan to keep healthy while on vacation via blogging hasn't worked out so well, not because I haven't been making wise choices but because vox, livejournal, and many other blogging services are banned in China. I'm updating once again from Taiwan because I'm here for a couple of days before I head to Japan for a week but I'm already so behind on the updates so why bother. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and hope for the best.

 

I think that this is the longest Tyler and I have ever been apart.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I am officially an alumna of the University of California, Los Angeles. What a weekend! The last four years have been tremendously life-changing, not to mention filled to the brim with good times. I emerge from my undergraduate cocoon ready to take on the trials and tribulations of becoming a legal scholar and get on with becoming my own person.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

It's an amazing thing when you finally realize that you have finally reached a point at which you can qualify the changes you've made over the past year as truly a lifestyle change. I no longer allow myself to eat to my heart's desire, I exercise what some may consider a high degree of self control, and it's taken me a hell of a long time to train myself to do these things.

I ate too much today. I often wonder how the hell I allowed myself to consume among the most detrimental victuals on the planet without bothering to give a smidgen of a thought as to what the nutrition facts blatantly stated. In the past, I did this guiltlessly, nearly constantly at every meal. It didn't begin to matter until I reached adulthood and my metabolism caught up with my poor eating habits and the the slow halt of my athleticism.

The guilt that I felt today was bittersweet, for it marks a small failure that sprouts from a much larger accomplishment. I will eventually get to a point at which I'm entirely happy with myself, and I've finally learned how to use the tools.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

Former President Bill Clinton was scheduled to speak at my college commencement this Friday, which was the one thing about graduating that brought me excitement for these past few weeks. While I don't entirely blame the union and believe that the regents deserve the majority of shit for this, I am exceedingly disappointed and pretty outraged. I FUCKING LOVE CLINTON! I have his books, his audiobooks, his autograph...I may as well be a fangirl. What's worse? MY PARENTS FUCKING LOVE CLINTON! They were excited! My mom even said they'd bring the GOOD camera (because her daughter merely graduating isn't enough to warrant breaking out the big guns).

Former President Clinton not speaking at UCLA commencement ceremony

By

Phil Hampton

6/10/2008

Former President Bill Clinton won't be addressing graduates at the UCLA College of Letters and Science commencement ceremony on Friday, June 13, as previously scheduled.

 

UCLA Chancellor Gene Block will deliver keynote remarks to approximately 4,000 graduating seniors and their guests at the event, which is scheduled for 5 p.m. at Pauley Pavilion.

 

The American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees (AFSCME) asked Clinton not to speak at UCLA while its union members are working without a contract and negotiating with the University of California system. The union also asked commencement speakers at other UC campuses to cancel their scheduled appearances. AFSCME represents approximately 20,000 University of California employees, including about 5,400 at UCLA.

Because a contract could not be guaranteed by Friday, Clinton and UCLA agreed that for the university's planning purposes it would be best to select a different keynote speaker.

 

"It's unfortunate that union activities are affecting a UCLA event intended to celebrate student achievement," said Judith L. Smith, dean and vice provost of undergraduate education at the UCLA College of Letters and Science. "While we're disappointed for students and their family members looking forward to hearing a former president speak, we anticipate a joyful mood as we send off graduating seniors with a ceremony filled with colorful traditions."

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I've decided that my next tattoo will be a hummingbird pollinating a collection of pansies. Here's why:

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

June 13/14: various graduation ceremonies

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I love it when people are on their high horse about taking the initiative to do just barely of what's expected of them. Who do you think you are? Oh, my apologies your highness, I hope you didn't your hands dirty. I also greatly enjoy being a catty bitch, so shove it.

Can't wait to graduate. Can't wait to see my beloved Jess in China. Can't wait to start my legal education. There are so many wonderful things that I've set up for myself just beyond the horizon.

I guess I'll start reading some trashy novels to eat up my time. Michael Crichton, here I come.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

Every now and then I experience a patch of life that moves extremely quickly for me. Days breeze by like hours and I find myself wondering where the time went and regretting that I didn't make better use of it. The past week has been as such and I chalk it up to a combination of stress about graduating, my parents leaving for China where they may experience aftershocks, and overall fickleness about a variety of things in my life.

Whether I'd admit this to you in person or not, I am terribly frightened to leave Los Angeles. There is a good chance that I may never come back. This was never fully my intention; I had always known that there may be circumstances that would bring me back to the place where I was born, raised, have lived, and will live until this coming August. The fact of the matter is that coming back to Los Angeles relies greatly on whether I decide to transfer at the end of my first year of law school. It also depends on which schools accept me and offer scholarships. These next few months could mean the end of my time in my hometown.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I've been obsessed with Robert Downey Jr. for years. The obsession greatly increased when he joined the cast of Ally McBeal, which I had already been watching because of my obsession with Lucy Liu. His character, Larry Paul, was the perfect man. I think that this, combined with his stunningly good looks, ignited the screaming fangirl in me.

His performance in the Charlie Chaplin documentary reinforced how versatile of an actor he is. His performance in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang allowed him to tell, in some part, the world the stories of overcoming his addictions and struggles associated with this. His characters are nearly always witty, sarcastic, intelligent, and off-beat, which leads me to believe that he's either been typecast (fine with me!) or that he's genuinely all of these things. His musical abilities are also fan-fucking-tastic so you should check out his CD, The Futurist, and his songs on the Ally McBeal soundtrack if you're interested. I also saw Iron Man opening night, which has pretty much set my obsession with him flying off the charts. Yes, I'll get to the point.

I've also been obsessed with Seth MacFarlane, the creator of Family Guy. I'll admit that I wasn't one of the original followers of the show but since noticing it I have seen and enjoyed nearly every episode, and many of them multiple times. Seth MacFarlane also strikes me as someone who is witty, sarcastic, intelligent, and VERY off-beat, so you can see how I quickly fell for him too. He's also very politically active, in the good way. Last week I saw his show, Freakin' Sweet with Alex Borstein and Janeane Garofalo, in which he sings songs from Family Guy and other comedic pieces with the Familiy Guy orchestra. He wore a three-piece suit, smoked cigarettes, and drank Jack Daniel's throughout the show (Frank Sinatra, anyone?) and looked mighty fine doing it. Did I mention that he has a spectacular singing voice? I'm sure that you're all starting to see the parallelism now.

There is an episode of Family Guy in its fourth season entitled, "Fat Guy Strangler" in which Peter starts the an association for the advancement for fat people. Robert Downey Jr. guest stars as Lois's traumatized serial killer brother, Peter  Pewterschmidt.

DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS FOR ME? This means that two of the men that I'm most attracted to were in the same room together, recording lines and having a fantastic time doing it. Oh, the fantasies are ENDLESS!

Just thought you'd like to know.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I've been quantifying time between now and graduation by counting down by assignment. Each paper that I finish brings me closer to a time when I won't have to write them again, at least not this type of paper. As excited as I am to graduate, I'm pretty scared about not being able to have these types of assignments anymore. I've heard some nasty stories about law school assignments and how far and few they are so that you can't afford to do poorly on any of them.

I also tend to quantify my life based on where I am in my education. Elementary school, intermediate school, high school, and college are all their own entities. Law school is going to be its own entity as well, and parts of me are dreading that I'll rewrite myself too distinctly. Though I thrive on embarking on new chapters, a part of me is very terrified of this one, for it determines the rest of my life more than the other ones have.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I've begun to use FitDay again after a three-month weight loss plateau spurred by tons of international travel and overall lack of motivation to control my eating habits. I've managed to gain one pound (net) while not sticking to a defined regimen but it's time again. I was successful the first time and I WILL prevail!

...at some point. I have a long way to go. I probably won't be finished until next year, but refining my dietary habits is what it's all about, not some simple short-term program. I'm worried that my China/Europe vacations are going to screw everything up though. Jess and my mom are just going to have to keep me on track.

I'm also going to get around to doing the couch-to-5k plan at some point. I figure this is a good time to start because it's my last quarter as an undergraduate and I'd be lying if I said I was doing anything of substance.

Go go power rangers.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

It never ceases to amaze me how idiocy prevails even after years of privilege and education. One of our nasty neighbors inadvertently (or perhaps not so inadvertently) called an entire ethnicity ugly and then went on to talk about how she might be pregnant because she slept with three different guys last week and didn't use protection. I don't know how these people have survived so many years, let alone gotten into UCLA.

Yes, these are the same people who routinely snort cocaine, engage in animal abuse, get into fights about broken crack pipes, and painfully annoy the rest of the building.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I've been on this weight loss journey for so long that I often forget to embrace my long term accomplishments rather than my daily failures. Yes, I do "fail" in some way every day; today I had mozzarella sticks and chicken fingers for "second dinner" at IHOP. But tonight also marked the first time someone other than my mom has freaked out at the first sight of my body, amazed at how much weight I've lost. It feels undeniably rewarding.

But I still have such a long way to go. My negative mind always searches for the next thing to worry about rather than allow myself to be consumed with the joy that I deserve.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

Everyone's been talking about the "Stuff White People Like" and "Stuff Asian People Like" and "Stuff Educated Black People Like" websites so I decided to check them out for myself. People who know me in real life may also know that I have an affinity for crude and lewd humor; I'm somewhat of a nasty person at heart. I'll also scour the internet for genres porn that I haven't seen simply because I haven't seen it and I want to widen my horizon of things that I already know about human sexuality; I've seen it all! And I stare intriguingly at road kill. Thus, I found all three websites pretty funny and entertaining until I explored further and found this entry about eye enlargement.

Now, I realize that I'm biased because I happened to have been born with very large eyes for an Asian person. I've never thought about changing them or using makeup techniques to make them look larger or more like a White person's eyes. But like I said, I'm biased here, because I happen to think that my eyes are one of my best features.

The video at the end of the entry portrays a woman using glue and various makeup products to make her eye seem larger. I'm not about to say who's right or wrong, but doesn't it seem a bit too tedious to be worth it? And doesn't eyelid surgery seem a bit too expensive or painful for it to seem like the right decision? Why bother doing anything? Oh, I know, because society doesn't appreciate a diverse array of beauty, and it's a shame that so many people are buying into it and are desperate to change themselves.

I'll admit that I work out a great deal and I try to eat well so that I can get to where I want to be, but the majority of my motivation is so that I don't contract many of the lifestyle diseases that so many are dying from. I'll also admit that I love high fashion, but I'm more attracted to the design and artistic value of it than buying loads of big name brands to appear wealthier than I really am. But we're all under society's spell so I'm sure that there are aspects of my life that I'm living specifically to be more like someone else. That said, I just don't think that it's right for a significant portion of the world to think that their eyes need to look more like someone else's. The white standard of beauty has invaded every person of color's realm, from hair relaxers to growth hormone, from eyelid surgery to skin bleaching. I'm very much in support of reconstructive surgery and the hardworking medical professionals that pursue the field to end disfigurement and improve self-esteem, but the nipping and tucking of our society for frivolous reasons is pretty shameful for me to watch. Furthermore, the end product is usually a person who wants to move onto the next section of their body that they aren't happy with.

When does it end? When do we begin loving ourselves and not the highly advertised image we're told to love? And it's not just women and their eyelids. This is also about the men who spend hours at the gym lifting weights and drinking protein shakes, which, by the way, can do lasting damage to your heart if you aren't impeccably careful. It's also about the 10 year old girls who starve themselves so that they can look like Hillary Duff or whoever happens to be experiencing their ten minutes of fame. It's also about the individuals who happen to develop faster or slower than everyone else who for years live in shame and social agony. Beauty appears to be an unattainable form of social capital reserved for an elite few, much like wealth, power, and the patriarchy. Well fuck. I know, the rant is old and trite. But I had to get it off my chest after watching that video.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I'm pretty outraged at the way the women on The View have treated the issue of the "pregnant man" in this clip. Not only are they insensitive while talking about the genitalia of a FTM individual who deserves as much respect as the next person, but they ridicule the choices of this individual by scoffing at the ideology of "straddling the fence."

Androgynous folks: how does this make you feel?
Transpeople: how does this make you feel?
Queer people in general: aren't you outraged?

I sure as hell wouldn't want the women of The View to be making jokes about my "mini penis" with a laugh track blaring in the background.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

There are THREE Blade movies? Since when are there THREE of them? I saw the first one in theaters and I'm currently watching the second one on TNT right now, but THREE? Who gives these movies the greenlight?

From the mouth of Tyler: "He sure enjoys twirling that sword of his. Maybe he should join a color guard squad."

I can appreciate a shitty movie every once in a while and I'm not the type of person who is sits on their indie/arthouse ass and talks about how much better they are because of their constant critiques. However, a line needs to be drawn at some point. Blade movies, the Underworld sequels, and Paycheck should have all been on the other side of a very thick line.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I've been having the most wretched jet lag in all my experience. I seem to grow sleepy around 10 AM and become very awake around 6 PM; it's been this way for three days straight. Today I'm going to try staying awake all day and only allowing myself to sleep tonight during regular sleeping hours to prepare myself to class tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning will mark the first day of my last quarter as an undergraduate. It's been a long time coming and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't entirely ready to be finished. Most of my friends are taking time off to work for a few years before returning to school but this is going to be a normal summer for me. It feels abnormal but it also feels damn wonderful.

I have a ton of half-healed mosquito bites, remnants from my trip to Bali, and I've been watching ridiculous entertainment during the night. So far I've watched the entire current season of Grey's Anatomy on ABC.com, caught up on the latest two episodes of the L Word, Samantha Who, watched Gray Matters, Hellboy, Skins, half of Romance and Cigarettes, and read the remainder of a novel I started a few weeks ago. My boredom seems to be very productive for popular media.

I'll be going for a swim in a few hours because I'm trying to get back into the routine of swimming three days a week. I have nothing else to do from 12-2 MWF so I figure it'll at least motivate me to get out of the apartment.

That's all.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

One symptom of depression manifests itself as the discontinuation of the pleasure from actions or events that used to be pleasurable. While I don't disagree with this, I also see this same discontinuation of pleasure as a part of growing older.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I have at 8 AM tomorrow morning and I haven't begun studying for it. This is what happens when law school acceptances come back in January and undergraduate seniors lose all motivation.  I play online scrabble, order unhealthy food, and lounge in  bed all day while watching TV shows like Skins, the British phenomenon.

I'm finally all caught up with the recent series (seasons are called 'series' in the UK) and I must say that it is an entirely entertaining show with very in depth character development. I found myself fearing for the well being of Maxxie and Sid, my favorites on the show, all the while developing crushes on Michelle and Tony, two characters who happen to be dating each other (which, I guess, is what happens when you're this queer).

Yes, this is precisely what I spent my entire weekend doing. Dare I call the show a sophisticated version of the OC/Dawson's Creek? Sure, the show is about Bristolian college youth exhibiting social and mental instability but there's something deeper about the thematic representation of their problems. From political commentary regarding 9/11 to queer youth, pregnancy, alleged incest, drugs, alcohol, mental illness, eating disorders, loss and grieving, the show keeps me intellectually stimulated while still offering the trashy plot lines that I'll admit I crave.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

It's paper time, which inevitably means that I'm online blogging and looking at Facebook. Had a lovely dinner tonight with my lady friends and now I'm back in the apartment suffering through my last commitments of the quarter before I leave for Bali.

I have a lot to look forward to in the next coming months. Here is a tentative list of everything I could think of.

• Vacationing in Bali
• Graduating
• Perhaps spending part of the summer in Greece & Istanbul
• Perhaps spending part of the summer in Jakarta, Indonesia
• Moving into an adorable house in beautiful Iowa City
• Starting law school, which means meeting lovely new people
• Finally reaching my goal weight after months of revamping my lifestyle
  

As you can see, I'm a very big fan of list making, almost to the degree of the girls on Southpark.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

• 9 out of 10 instances of rape will go unreported.
• 1 in 4 college women will experience sexual violence while in college.
• 1 in 7 wives will be raped by their husbands.
• 45% of offenders are considered power-assertive rapists. These men often treat others as sex objects.
• 30% of offenders are anger-retaliatory rapists. These men often see others as needing to be punished.
• 20% of offenders are opportunity rapists. These men pre-select their victims.
• The remainder are known as sadistic rapists. These men generally murder their victims and derive sexual gratification from violence.
• 16% of rapes include more than one rapist.
• 84% know their rapist.
• 38% of people think that if a woman is dressed a certain way she is either asking for it or is responsible for her rape.

How many times have you been amongst friends and said or heard someone who said, "I'd like to tap that!" about a woman walking by? Did you say anything to the commenter? Did you even think twice about the situation?

Imagine someone robbing you, stealing your car, breaking into your house, mugging you on the street. What would a situation like this feel like to you?

Now, imagine someone violating your body, your trust, your mental capacity for human connection. Imagine someone robbing you of your right to choose when and when to not engage in sexual activity. Survivors of sexual violence often relive the event of violence over and over for a lifetime. Many are raped numerous times due to the decrease in confidence they experience after being raped the first time. Many will push their friends and family away out of fear. Many commit suicide, experiment with alcohol or drugs, some even lose the ability to function in their daily lives. Most will never speak of their experiences. Most will not seek help or contact law enforcement. Most will not go to court. Underreporting and victim-blaming is so common that rape can theoretically be treated as a crime in which the victim is guilty until proven innocent.

Victims and survivors often do not fight back, whether it be out of fear, or manipulation, or intoxication, or the situation. These victims and survivors are blamed even more heavily by society for lack of power in a certain situation. But the fact is that no crime is exactly the same. No two people involved in any situation are going to act the identically. One may think that under the same conditions, they'd act in the "correct" way or the "empowering" way, or the "feminist" way, but really, what does this even mean?

Our society treats women and children as sexual objects mediated by a power struggle. I'm all for the sexual empowerment of women; the right to dress and act the way we personally make the decision to. This is a larger, societal problem stemming historically from the earliest civilizations; violence against women seems to be the earliest crime against humanity, starting before racial and religious wars and conquests.

But there's a bigger problem: it's not just women and children. It's lesbians, gay men, trans and intersex folks, and even heterosexual people who violate stereotypical gender roles. It's also minorities and the elderly. How sick of a society do we live in? When did a certain portion of humankind decide that it was acceptable to exercise this type of hegemony over others?

What can we do about his? Is there anything realistic to be done?

I believe that there is, that the education of our children can severely affect the way people treat each other according to race, gender, sexuality, and class, including the way women view and treat other women who have experienced sexual violence. "They deserved it" should never come out of anyone's mouth.

I've been an activist with the Clothesline Project at UCLA for quite some time, and an activated feminist for even longer. What I study each day constantly depresses me but empowers me to do work for the better. What I ask of others in my community is that they take the time to learn about these issues, to learn about the political arena in which these problems can dominate, and to listen to the personal stories of survivors without passing judgment.

Too often do I catch myself judging others based on what they're wearing, saying, or doing. We all do it, and pretty consistently too. But there's hope; I can sense myself getting better at being aware of my thoughts and actions. I can only hope the next generation grows up in a healthier society.

If you or anyone you know is a survivor of sexual violence and would like to seek professional help, please visit: 911RAPE for more information.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

Here they are, as promised.

 

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I'm having a particularly overwhelming week with group projects, a presentation, a research paper, review sessions, and other final preparations. I CANNOT wait to get out of here. Thus, I've decided to elaborate on my spring break travel plans.

I'll be visiting the Indonesian island of Bali next Wednesday. It is where Indonesia's large Hindu population lives and is a popular tourist attraction due to its art and beautiful scenic views. A good friend of mine informed me that it is a highly mystical and superstitious place and most of the locals are into voodoo, ghosts, and other supernatural juju-type beliefs.

I typically visit the Asian continent once a year. I have been to Taiwan, China, Japan, Hong Kong, Macao, Thailand, Singapore, and Malaysia, and in some instances have made multiple trips. I tend to feel very at home among the local people even though they may see me as an obvious outsider, which is likely due to the fact that I've made yearly trips to Taiwan since infancy. I enjoy the weather, the culture, and especially the food, which is why I'm so excited to visit Bali.

This means I'll have to secure a working camera before next week. One more thing to add to the increasingly gigantic list.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I simply loved it.

The town is a college town with particular cultural flair; some claim that Iowa City is a well-kept secret within the Midwest due to its culture, progressiveness, and emphasis on education. There many very good k-12 schools in the area and the prestigious Iowa Writer Workshop and other graduate programs have created a diverse community with an over representation of people with degrees. I heard time and time again that professors leave to teach at well-known schools and consistently return to Iowa City for the atmosphere.

The people are different, there's no doubt about that. I've never experienced people this friendly and open before and there were many instances during which I was pretty weirded out in a healthy, humbling way.

The campus is exudes collegiality in both its architecture and social feel and the surrounding area revolves predominately around the university. I didn't realize how many prestigious programs there were out side of the business, law, and writing programs until I got here, but it'll be a pretty amazing place to be for the next 1-3 years.  I'll post pictures as soon as I can get them off of my dad's camera.

I feel that it's quite the fit for me. It'll be an amazing experience to live somewhere completely different from what I've known and this seems to be the place to do it. There is an overwhelming number of people from large cities which influences the lifestyle and social views of the town, which is probably why I felt so comfortable during my visit, yet there are enough drastic differences for me to feel like I'm out of my element (which is a good thing).

I also signed a lease on a house yesterday. It's a two-story house with a GIANT basement that Mackenzie (my new roommate) set up as a gym/laundry room, an adorable kitchen and living room, and two cozy bedrooms. She has a Great Dane, another really sweet dog with blue eyes (probably an American Eskimo mix), and two very loving cats. One of the cats came into the bathroom with me and leaned against me on the toilet while "making muffins." I'll be having a yard and my own driveway for the first time in four years!

The law school is possibly the ugliest building on campus from the outside but is very modern and conveniently-built on the inside. It looked like some architect decided to build something groundbreaking and modern during the 80's and then realized five years later how ridiculous of a mistake they had made. But, the library is stunning and is second to only Harvard in number of collections and there are tons of student lounges and study areas throughout the building. Many students informed us that they rarely leave the law school and venture to other areas of campus but that it's the perfect community to study in. Others told us that they frequently study in the coffee shops and lounges downtown. Either way, everyone informed us of the importance of keeping an easy-to-follow routine.

I'm excited for August.

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

I'm writing from the Eastern Iowa Airport in Cedar Rapids while my mom rents a car so that we can drive to Iowa City for admitted students day. Here are a few observations:

1. BEAUTIFUL SNOW EVERYWHERE!

2. The place is far more diverse than I expected but there are a surprising number of elderly people out and about.

3. People seem to have what strikes me as the combination of a Minnesotan accent and something other undisclosed Midwestern accent.

4. There was an announcement saying that someone dropped a necklace on a silver chain and that they had it at security. NECKLACE AT SECURITY?!

That's it for now.

Cheers!

Originally posted on jennifercwang.vox.com

Cal rejected me today, which was completely expected, but still depressing. I wanted to at least be deferred or waitlisted, because then there'd be a tiny chance of me getting in after everyone made their deposits, but no luck there. I'm pretty much waiting on a bunch of acceptances to schools that I no longer want to attend because of Iowa. I've decided not to compromise the quality of the school for a better location because Iowa City seems like a wonderful place to spend a year, or maybe three if I decide not to transfer to NYU or Columbia. I can't bring myself to turn down #24 to stay in Los Angeles when I've been wanting to leave my whole life.

I blame myself at times for not working hard enough or studying more for the LSAT, but the truth of the matter is that everything turned out more than fine considering the circumstances. I could have continued my premed stint and gotten shittier grades due to lack of motivation. Nobody likes being stuck preparing for something they know they won't enjoy. I'm very happy with my choices and the outcome of my application cycle. I'm also excited to leave and start a new existence elsewhere.

I think we get caught up in the pace of Los Angeles and forget that there are other worthwhile places to spend a few years. I get very interesting responses from other UCLA students when I say that I'm visiting Iowa this week to check out the law school, everything from disgust to nonchalant disapproval. I don't know if it's because they have misconceptions about the Midwest or because they have no idea of the prestigiousness of the law school, but it all strikes me as snooty. I'll admit that I was, at first, very wary of the idea of spending time outside of a large metropolitan area, but the idea continues to grow on me the more I look into the Iowa City area. The people seem extremely amiable, the area is surprisingly cosmopolitan and highly educated, and they seem to genuinely take pride in their community, which is something that I've never experienced. I've only ever lived in an exceptionally disjointed city.

I'll know for certain whether I'm attending Iowa within the coming weeks. I'm pretty much waiting on UCLA and I'm fairly certain that they'll reject me too, but I think I'll be okay with that. At this point the idea of staying here is unbearably stifling to me. I guess that there's a 99.99% chance that I'll be a Hawkeye in August.

As of today, I have lost a total of 23 pounds. I'd show you all a picture of myself were it not for my broken camera, so I'm promising before and after pictures as soon as I can get my hands on a new one.

I'm in the market for a new laptop. I'm trying to make my Powerbook last until July, during which I'll have to buy a new laptop for law school anyway, but it might not happen. Does anyone have any recommendations? I'd like it to be under 5 lbs because I'll be taking it to and from school every day, which will definitely involve a walk or bike ride. I'm thinking about getting either a Sony SZ series or a Toshiba Satellite 305. Any thoughts?

I ran into April last night after dinner and a movie with Cristina. We sat and talked for about half an hour on the stoop of some random apartment complex and slowly made our way back to my apartment. The entire thing reminded me of the following things:

We're very young.

We're very clueless, regardless of how driven you are and meticulously planned you've outlined your goals.

Friends come and go and that's okay, to say the least.

It makes me wonder how many people I consider friends by default, that is, people I know through other people, my living situations, coworkers, and other social activities. More often than not, I don't even like them as individuals. I spend time with them either because I have to or because it's convenient. It's the treasured friendships that I have to make time for; it's those people that I should be seeing more frequently. The gap narrows inevitably and quite frankly, we can all afford to be picky. There are very few truly wonderful people in the world and I'm delighted to say that I've found and loved many of them.

Everyone else has merely been a placeholder.

AND IT WON'T END! It'll be the same in law school, the same when I begin my career, the same when I move or am promoted. Isn't it comforting to know that there are those who will be there through thick and thin and that everyone else can just be dropped like 90's overalls?

April, who gives a shit. You know tricks.

I'm finding that the weekend just isn't long enough to see all of the people that I want to see anymore, and that my weekdays are beginning to seem the same way. I'm getting into the mentality that I'm leaving Los Angeles very soon and trying to compensate for the sadness by spreading myself too thin socially, which worked wonders in high school but doesn't seem to be now. Tyler and I have been spending progressively less time together so the moments that we do manage to share seem extra special, but they just aren't enough to keep my thoughts from wondering what everything is going to be like when I leave. I'm getting worse at calling people back (sorry April), sticking to plans, and responding to emails/Facebook messages/etc. It'll feel terrible to start over somewhere else but it should prove to be a huge break from it all as well.

My parents had to put my dog down last week because she had a few different types of cancer and caught pneumonia from having a weakened immune system. She was 14. Here is a picture of her during her better days, around the time when we adopted her:



I'll miss you all but I can't wait to leave this place.

Utilizing the response, "I don't care" is possibly the most immature and irresponsible strategy to defer the expression of a concern. "I don't care" can be construed to convey the following sentiments:

1. I don't care about you.
2. I don't care about your thoughts.
3. I don't care about our friendship.
4. I don't care about the topic of conversation so this chat is your one way ticket to nowhere.

Wrong answers, all of them.

Do you think that Japanese women intentionally stand/walk pigeon-toed?

I'm a big IMDB geek so I frequent the message boards after seeing movies that I either enjoy or dislike. I don't bother with the mediocre ones. Thursday is my day off from civilization. I don't rarely leave the apartment, I sleep in until about noon, and I spend all day in whatever clothing I woke up in. Everyone needs a day like this, and for me it can't be the weekend because that's when everyone else is available to socialize. That, and I usually spend all day Sunday academically preparing for the week. So Thursday it is.

Today happens to be Thursday so I caught up on my tv shows and moved onto movies when I'd seen everything. I decided to watch 28 Weeks Later, which is the sequel to 28 Days Later. I loved 28 Days Later, especially for the dramatic scenes of empty London and Cillian Murphy so I decided to watch 28 Weeks Later. I'm always looking to be impressed with sequels and I rarely am. Still, I constantly remain curious.

I watched the entire thing in one sitting, not even getting up to get a drink of water or go to the bathroom. This is rare for me because I'm generally easily distracted when I watch movies outside of movie theaters. The plot was acceptable minus a few biological plot holes and implausible circumstances, but I enjoyed it overall. So I had to visit the IMDB message board to see what people thought. There, I found this gem of a post:

So say you have 24 hours advanced notice before the outbreak hits full swing and comes knocking at your front door. What do you do?

Lets lay down some ground rules for this discussion:
- You've determined there's no way for you (or anyone to whom you have access) to stop or isolate the outbreak. In 24 hours the outbreak is going to spread on its own natural course no matter what you do or whom you tell.

- You're the only one who knows of the pending outbreak so issues of price gouging, product availability are not an issue. Whatever is available at this moment at your local hardware/gun/grocery/etc store is available to you for the next 24 hours and at regular everyday prices. The purchasing power you have now doesn't change...you can get new credit cards, but that assumes you'll receive it in less than 24 hours (not sure if there's any financial institutes that can turn around a credit application and put an actual usable credit card in your hand in less than 24 hours). The rate at which you can get goods doesn't change either. So you can't buy guns from a store and receive them upon purchase if your state has mandatory waiting periods.

- The degree to which you're capable of convincing loved ones (family, very close friends) to follow your lead is entirely up to you. For example, maybe you can get your parents to max out their credit cards buying supplies and leave for somewhere isolated, but maybe only get your siblings/best friend to leave (but not max out their credit cards). How you "convince" someone is up to you as well whether it be by pleading w/ them or pointing a gun at their head.

- You're free to break any laws you want, but you'll still be subject to regular police actions for the next 24 hours. For example, if you commit credit card fraud or fill up on gas w/o paying at the local gas station you might be able to fly below the radar for 24 hours. If you rob a bank at gunpoint chances are you'll be caught within the 24 hours. Your discretion as to what you can get away with and not get caught in 24 hours.

( Here's what I'd do )

I have had an amazing life.

I tend to make posts when I'm either complaining or celebrating. I'm currently in neither mood, so I'm posting to say thank you to the universe for allowing me to exist in it.

A friend of mine tells me that I'm the stable one, the one with the perfect relationship, perfect career prospects, loving parents, numerous close and caring friends, and that I seem to have found a healthy balance between wild child and geek.

Nothing is perfect upon closer examination, but I have to admit that my privilege and subsequent education has created a person that I quite frankly am proud to be. I am comfortable where I am and very happy with how I've painted my future. Don't I owe it to society to ensure that others have the chance to experience what I have?